50 Shades of Essential Oils – essential oils and intimacy

Our senses play a huge role in experiencing, living and perceiving love. Seeing and feeling are probably the most obvious, but also the most misleading. Taste and pleasure go hand in hand, so the physical desire is stimulated and awakened in multiple ways. Hearing words and sounds, such as your loved one’s voice, affects the intensity of your feelings. Yet, smelling plays the most important role in deciding, whether you find someone sexually attractive. In this blog, we’ll discuss the combination of essential oils and sex.

What you smell sends powerful messages to your brain. The sense of smell is connected to the limbic system in your brain, the place where your emotions are controlled. When you smell something, which triggers your sexual stimulation, your reaction is determined. Thank you, olfactory system!

Hormones and scent

Women can literally smell compatible reproductive partners. Hormones affect how women process smells. This has interesting implications: a woman who meets a man while using hormonal contraceptives may find different scents attractive, than if she were not using contraceptives. If these partners want to have children at a later date and the woman stops taking the pill, it may happen that she literally cannot “smell” her partner anymore!

The science behind “sexy”

I personally find science very sexy and a man has to be, besides smelling good, also intelligent to arouse my interest. However, if we look at the science behind “sexy”, we come to the field of pheromones. What are pheromones? In a word, “sex lures”; little chemical communication molecules, that you send out and perceive in others.

The word “pheromone” has its origins in the Greek words “pheran” and “horman”, and means “carrier of excitement”. Pheromones are natural chemicals produced by insects, animals and humans to attract the opposite sex. Plants use it to attract insects, to distribute the pollen. Essential oils contain phyto-feromones.


We humans also use pheromones to attract a reproductive partner, just like animals! Interestingly, male pheromones have a dual function in the animal world. They arouse sexual attraction, but at the same time make them aggressive. Pheromones make male lions so aggressive that they are able to kill the pups.

Androstenone is a pheromone that men produce in their armpits. It stimulates excitement but also aggression (mainly intended for competing males) to mark their territory.
Pheromones from the plant world, on the other hand, have a calming and balancing effect on us humans. Therefore, it is wise to make use of it. Hooray for essential oils!

Aphrodite's Secret

Etheric oils for more libido

I’ve heard it many times before usually in a private question after a workshop, “Is there an oil I can use as an aphrodisiac? Something that helps with the sex drive?” A happy and fulfilled sex life is very important for the overall well-being of both men and women. We connect with each other through intimacy and sexuality. Sex releases endorphins and induces feelings of happiness. But what about in reality, or should I say adult reality with a committed relationship? Especially when added to a busy job and/or small children, a sizzling sex life can be more than a challenge. Fatigue, stress, worry and sometimes additional physical problems such as hormonal imbalances (e.g. low testosterone), thyroid problems and also depression result in a low libido.

Fortunately, nature has a solution for us here!

For thousands of years, aromatic oils have been used to increase sexual attraction. The modern perfume industry also responds to this. But do synthetic fragrances work? No, they don’t work. Studies have shown, that synthetic fragrances do not affect human emotions the way natural fragrances can. Synthetic perfumes are often mixtures of many different scents that confuse your olfactory system. More importantly, natural fragrances can literally increase blood flow in sexually irritable tissues such as penis and clitoris and just by smelling the scents!

So how do we use these oils?

Natural scents and pheromones are best applied to large areas of your body. The warmth of your body changes the scents and blends them with your own. Your personal “scent signature” is a complex mixture of pheromones, skin oils, sweat, hormones and the 40 million skin cells you release every day. It is therefore ideal to use essential oils in the form of a massage oil that you apply to your chest, arms and sometimes legs.

Armor's Secret

Of course, you can use essential oils in your diffuser in the bedroom to create an erotic atmosphere and stimulate sex.

DIY in the bedroom

Essential oils also offer themselves as no other means to make your own massage oils and lubricant. To make a massage oil, you can use almost any neutral base oil as a base. I prefer to use jojoba, almond and fractionated coconut oil.

Some essential oils such as peppermint, black pepper, clove or cinnamon have a tingling effect on the skin. You can use this for an erotic massage oil, but also think of ice cubes with some drops of essential oil or how about chocolate with peppermint or wild orange which you melt and after cooling a bit let drip on the skin? Be careful with this to prevent burning and first discuss it with your partner. Pain is not sexually stimulating for everyone.

If you’re making your own lubricant, stick to food grade coconut oil. Coconut oil has many benefits for the health of the vaginal skin and flora. And if you use a little cold swirled, organic honey in the mix… you know yourself what you can do with this then! For a lubricant it is advisable to be very careful with the possible addition of essential oil, it is better to leave it out completely, especially when you have a sensitive skin

What oils do I use?

Never use the essential oils undiluted on the skin at all, but always mix them with a massage oil. Stop using an oil if your skin shows an undesirable reaction. Have you never used an essential oil before? Then it is wise to first test how your skin reacts to it.

Here I give you the most famous stimulating essential oils, which you can use well for your own blends for aromatherapy during sex and my most favorite recipes:

  • Black Pepper: a warming, spicy oil that supports healthy circulation. The aroma stimulates (eating) lust, literally and sexually.
  • Cinnamon: warming and lust enhancing oil with a sweet and spicy fragrance. Cinnamon also supports healthy circulation.
  • Sandalwood: an exotic fragrance, which gives each individual a different aroma and therefore different pheromones. This allows you to create a very personal perfume. The aroma of Sandalwood supports emotional openness.
  • Ylang ylang: a floral fragrance, which increases sexual desire. One of the most powerful aphrodisiacs among essential oils. Uniquely soothing, cooling and euphoric at the same time, Ylang Ylang has a calming effect and supports healthy blood circulation. When sexuality causes tension and moments of stress, Ylang Ylang is soothing.
  • Rose: a sensual fragrance, which is emotionally good for opening the heart energy.
  • Jasmine: a floral fragrance, improves mood and energy, works well for women. Stands for strong relationships and removes nervousness and feelings of inadequacy.
  • Patchouli: a woody musk scent that balances the sex drive, excellent for men. Helps with being in the here and now and improves relaxation and arousal.
  • Ginger: a warm, sweet oil, which supports healthy circulation and stimulates openness in both men and women. Increases passion and lust.
  • Wild Orange & Lime: both oils are ideal in combination with other essential oils, they represent playfulness and fun and lift the mood.
  • Clary Sage: a gentle oil that supports healthy hormone balance for both women and men.
  • Lavender. What’s Lavender not good for? Such a versatile oil, so powerful in its spectrum of action and yet so soothing. Lavender relaxes and nurtures and is therefore ideal for any relationship

We are hosting a webinar with the theme “50 Shades of Essential Oils”. You’ll also learn an ear reflex massage technique during the webinar that you can use to increase libido.

Are you inspired and want to get started with the oils?


Calypso's Secret

Love Potions

Love is in the air – diffuser mix
2 drops of Ylang Ylang
1 licorice Wild Orange
1 drop Sandalwood
1 licorice Cedarwood

Aphrodites secret – massage mix
9 drops of sandalwood
5 drops of Ylang Ylang
1 licorice Cinnamon
1 licorice Jasmine
10 ml base oil

Super Sensual – massage mix
3 drops of Black Pepper
3 drops Peppermint
3 drops of Passion
10 ml base oil (on arms, thighs…)

Lot’s of Libido – massage mix
3 drops each: Clary Sage, Whisper, Ylang Ylang
5 ml base oil (2 times a day under feet)
For men, leave out Whisper or replace it with Sandalwood.

Calypso’s magic – massage mix
4 drops of Ylang Ylang
2 drops of Black Pepper
1 licorice Ginger
4 drops of Wild Orange
10 ml base oil

Armor’s secret – massage mix
12 drops of sandalwood
4 drops of Jasmine
10 drops of Ylang Ylang
8 drops of patchouli
50 ml almond oil

Luscious Love – edible body butter
1/2 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup cocoa butter
4 drops of Peppermint
4 drops of Cinnamon
4 teaspoons raw organic honey.
Melt coconut oil and cocoa butter, allow to cool slightly, stir in essential oils and honey, refrigerate for an hour, beat with hand mixer into creamy body butter.

Hot Chocolate love oil – warm body butter
3 tablespoons almond oil
1 tablespoon cocoa butter
1 teaspoon beeswax
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable glycerine
1 teaspoon cocoa powder
1 teaspoon honey
3 drops Peppermint or Cinnamon or Whild Orange
Melt almond oil, cocoa butter and beeswax, allow to cool slightly, stir in glycerin, cocoa powder, honey and essential oils, do not use too hot.

Lots of Libido