“Love is a verb” are perhaps the most important words I have been privileged to learn in my life. And that concerns not only the relationship with your partner, but also how you deal with yourself (think of SELF-CARE, that really does require time and commitment from you), the relationship with your children and actually all your relationships!
My husband and I have been using couples therapy for years and I am proud of this and grateful for a partner, who sees the need for this. Relationships can be quite complicated. Communication plays a very important role. Truly understanding each other is not always easy, but you can learn to do that and thereby greatly strengthen the foundation of your relationship.
Have you heard of “The 5 Love Languages”? If you've never heard of it, the 5 love languages are five different ways to express and receive love. Your partner may do it in a very different way than you, but knowing from each other, which language is preferred, can contribute to more happiness and fulfillment in your relationship.
The 5 Love Languages:
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
“This concept was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D. in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, which he wrote based on his experiences as a marriage counselor. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, which is why it is important to find out how those around us desire to be loved so that we can love them to the best of our ability.
Oil tip: Diffuser blends
Put some drops of Green Mandarin (oil of unconditional love), Thyme (emotionally liberating) and Siberian Fir (fresh perspective) in your diffuser and dive into this book, or better yet, listen to the audiobook with your partner.
Emotional intimacy, affirming each other's feelings, caring about each other and being interested in each other's feelings.
A Connection blend for more connection to root all these forms of intimacy is Black Spruce, Lavender, and Wild Orange. Put 2-3 drops in your diffuser or make your own roll-on blend to take with you on the go!
Shall we look at the love languages one by one and also find oils, which can support us in this? Come, then read on!
1) Words of affirmation
I was as bad at giving compliments as I was at receiving them. By now, that has changed. I love to give compliments! It has to be real and come from the heart, otherwise it won't work!
You can give someone's whole day a different spin by giving them a small compliment.
It's always especially nice to hear kind things from those we love, right?
If you are someone who has this as a love language, then you value verbal acknowledgments of affection. Written and spoken words help you feel seen, understood and appreciated.
Oil tip: Lavender, the oil of Communication and Spearmint, the oil of Confident Speaking are two great tools to help with verbal expression.
They can be useful for telling someone how you feel about them when expressing yourself may not be something that comes naturally to you. Through open and honest communication, we are able to experience unconditional love, acceptance and peace of mind.
How do you use the oils? Give a drop of each in your hand, rub your hands together, inhale from your palms and visualize the conversation. What are you going to say and how do you want it to feel?
You can also make a 10ml roll on blend with 10-15 drops of each oil, supplement with fractionated coconut oil and use it regularly on your heart and wrist and inhale, if you are someone for whom it is not so easy to express your feelings.
2) Quality Time
How many times were you mindlessly scrolling on your phone today? (ahem…. what are you doing now…?) hahaha
And how many minutes were you in a real conversation with your partner today?
If we are not careful we really lose a lot of valuable time on this little screen.
People whose love language is quality time feel most wanted when the people they care about want to spend time with them. They also really appreciate active listening, eye contact and full presence during this time together.
If your love language is quality time, then you may start to feel very lost and alone while your partner is in the same room with you, when you then do not receive the time with attention, which you need to experience the feeling of love.
Oil tip: Did you know that Lemon is the right oil to support here? Why? Because it is the oil of Focus!
Lemon helps you focus, stay engaged, alert and have mental clarity. This is exactly how someone who loves quality time would appreciate you being when you are with him or her.
Put 4-6 drops of Lemon in the diffuser and see what it does for you.
3) Acts of service
So that is MY love language. I can really melt inwardly when I see that my partner has done the laundry or cleared out the dishwasher again. Shopping together – that's almost more fun for me than a date night (almost, hey, date night I don't say no to either).
Is that recognizable to you?
Then you might also have “acts of service” as your love language. If your love language is acts of service, you appreciate it when a loved one goes out of his way to make your life easier. This could be anything from bringing you soup when you feel unwell or taking over a chore from you to ease your burden.
Oil tip: Motivate is a blend of mint and citrus oils that was formulated for people who need both motivation and encouragement.
Apply your Motivate Touch roll on to your wrist or neck before you begin your acts of service, whether it's picking up the kids or tackling the mountain of laundry. These small actions can make a profound difference to your partner if this is his or her love language.
You can also use Motivate oil very well in the diffuser, 4-6 drops and the aroma will give you/him/her a loving push in the right direction.
This is a fairly simple love language. Basically, a person feels love when he or she receives visual symbols of love. It is not necessarily about the monetary value of a gift, but the thought behind the gesture. The fact that someone thought carefully and consciously chose something special for that person means the world to them!
Oil tip: Citrus Bliss or the Oil of Creativity, can help you with your “dormant” creativity or expression.
If you need help coming up with a gift for someone special, open your Citrus Bliss, breathe in and feel motivated and confident that you will do a great job of making your special someone feel appreciated. Citrus Bliss is a very nice oil to use in the diffuser.
5) Physical touches
Physicalsigns of affection, including hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling and sexual intimacy are affirming for people with this love language. Physical touch is a powerful emotional connector for these people.
Oil tip: There are a few oils that can be helpful with this love language and in the bedroom Jasmin, Neroli, Rose, the insanely fine blend Whisper or that almost magical Passion are all oils that promote intimacy and closeness. These oils come in a convenient Touch variant, allowing you to use and inhale them as perfume more often throughout the day. Or how about an AromaTouch Hand Massage for your partner? Here you can very well use one of these oils.
Cinnamon is great for creating connection and trust. Consider a delicious diffuser blend in the bedroom or how about a recipe with chocolate spiced with a drop of Cinnamon?
Selfcare – be kind to yourself!
How often do we criticize the other person because we feel we lack something?
When do you first ask yourself, “What fine thing have I done for myself today?”
Could it be that your battery has been at half-empty for quite some time and that is why you are extra irritable and express this to your loved ones?
It is absolutely true that you must first be able to love yourself in order to truly love others. It does not mean to be arrogant or narcissistic, but to be in touch with your own well-being and happiness!
I read a poem a few days ago: that in this life we wear the face of that person, whom we loved the most in our past life. Wow that came in to me for a moment.
Whether you believe in it or not – the next time you look in the mirror, remember this. Find yourself beautiful! Take good care of yourself. Were you able to recognize your love language? What can you also do for yourself so that you increase your self-love?
And of course, we also have an oil that can support us all in this: Bergamot oil!
Oil tip: As the oil of Self-Acceptance, Bergamot can be a great helper on your journey to self-acceptance and greater self-love. Bergamot relieves feelings of self-judgment and low self-esteem. Bergamot will help you learn to love yourself unconditionally.
Take your Bergamot oil and put 1-2 drops in your hand, rub and inhale or dilute with a little base oil and massage it over your heart (be careful if you go in the sun as it is light sensitive!) and think of something positive about yourself. Of course, Bergamot is also fine in the diffuser.
Try making this a daily habit and see how it changes your feelings about yourself!