“Love is a verb” are perhaps the most important words I have learned in my life. And that does not only concern the relationship with your partner, but also how you treat yourself (think of SELF-CARE, that really takes time and commitment from you), the relationship with your children and actually all your relationships!
My husband and I have been using couples therapy for years and I am proud of and grateful for a partner who understands the need for it. Relationships can be quite complicated. Communication plays a very important role. Truly understanding each other isn't always easy, but you can learn that and greatly strengthen the foundation of your relationship.
Have you heard of “The 5 Love Languages”? If you've never heard of it, the 5 love languages are five different ways to express and receive love. Your partner may do that in a very different way than you, but knowing each other's preferred language can contribute to greater happiness and satisfaction in your relationship.
The 5 Love Languages:
✅ Words of Confirmation
✅ Acts of Service
✅ Physical Touch
“This concept was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D. in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, which he wrote based on his experiences as a marriage counselor. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, so it's important to figure out how the people around us desire to be loved so that we can love them as best we can.
➡️ Oil tip: Diffuser Blends
put some drops Green Mandarin (oil of unconditional love), Thyme (emotionally liberating) and Siberian Fir (fresh perspective) in your diffuser and dive into this book, or better yet, listen to the audiobook with your partner.
Emotional intimacy, affirming each other's feelings, caring about each other and being interested in each other's feelings.
A Connection blend for more connection to root all these forms of intimacy is Black Spruce, Lavender, en Wild Orange. Put 2-3 drops in your diffuser or make your own roll-on blend ❤️ to take with you on the go!
Shall we look at the love languages one by one and also find oils that can support us in this? Come on, read on!
1) Words of Confirmation
I was just as bad at giving compliments as in receiving them. That is different now. I like to give complimenice! It has to be real and come from the heart, otherwise it won't work!
You can change someone's whole day by giving them a small complimeto give.
It's always really nice to hear kind things from those we love, isn't it?
If you are someone who has this as a love language, you place great value on verbal acknowledgments of affection. Written and spoken words help you to feel seen, understood and valued.
➡️ Oil tip: Lavender, the oil of Communication and Spearmint, the oil of Confident Speaking are two great tools to aid in verbal expression.
They can be helpful in telling someone how you feel about them if expressing yourself may not come naturally to you. Through open and honest communication we are able to experience unconditional love, acceptance and peace of mind.
How do you use the oils? Give a drop of each into your hand, rub your hands together, inhale from your palms, and visualize the conversation. What are you going to say and how do you want it to feel?
You can also a 10ml roll-on blend make with 10-15 drops of each oil, supplement with fractionated coconut oil and use it regularly on your heart and wrist and inhale if you are someone for whom it is not so easy to express your feelings.
2) Quality Time
How often did you scroll mindlessly on your phone today? (ahem....what are you doing now..?) hahaha
And how many minutes were you in a real conversation with your partner today?
If we don't pay attention, we really lose a lot of valuable time on this small screen.
People whose love language is quality time feel most desirable when the people they care about want to spend time with them. They also appreciate active listening, eye contact, and full presence during this time together.
If your love language is quality time, you may start to feel very lost and alone, while your partner is in the same room with you, if you don't receive the time with attention you need to experience the feeling of love.
➡️ Oil tip: Did you know Lemon is the right oil to support here? How so? Because it's Focus's oil!
Lemon helps you focus, stay engaged, be alert and have mental clarity. This is exactly how someone who loves quality time would appreciate you being with him or her.
Put 4-6 drops Lemon in the diffuser and see what it does for you.
3) Acts of Service
So that's MY love language. I can really melt inside when I see my partner did the laundry or unloaded the dishwasher again. Shopping together – that's almost more fun for me than a date night (almost, hey, I don't say no to date night either).
Is that recognizable to you?
Then you might also have “acts of service” as your love language. If your love language is acts of service, you appreciate it when a loved one does their best to make your life easier. This can be anything from bringing your soup when you feel unwell or taking over a chore to lighten your load.
➡️ Oil tip: Motivate is a blend of mint and citrus oils formulated for those who need both motivation and encouragement.
bring you Motivate Touch roll on on your wrist or on your neck before you begin your acts of service, whether it be picking up the kids or tackling the mountain of laundry. These small actions can make a profound difference to your partner if this is his or her love language.
You can Motivate oil also use very well in the diffuser, 4-6 drops and the aroma gives you/him/her a loving push in the right direction.
This is a pretty simple love language. Basically, a person feels love when he or she receives visual symbols of love. It is not necessarily about the monetary value of a gift, but about the thought behind the gesture. The fact that someone has thought carefully and consciously chosen something special for that person means the world to him or her!
➡️ Oil tip: Citrus Bliss or the Oil of Creativity, can help you with your “sleeping” creativity or expression.
If you need help coming up with a gift for someone special, open your Citrus Bliss, breathe in and feel motivated and confident that you will do a great job making your special someone feel valued. Citrus Bliss is a very nice oil to use in the diffuser.
5) Physical Touches
Physical signs of affection, including hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and sexual intimacy are affirmative for people with this love language. Physical touch is a powerful emotional connector for these people.
➡️ Oil tip: There are a few oils that can be helpful with this love language and in the bedroom Jasmin, Neroli, Rose, the insanely fine blend Whisper or that almost magical one Passion are all oils that promote intimacy and closeness. These oils come in a handy Touch variant, so you can use and inhale them as a perfume more often during the day. Or how about an AromaTouch Hand Massage for your partner? Here you can very well use one of these oils.
Cinnamon is great for creating connection and trust. For example, think of a delicious diffuser blend in the bedroom or how about a recipe with chocolate spiced with a drop of Cinnamon?
Selfcare – be kind to yourself!
➡️ How often do we criticize the other because we feel we are lacking something?
➡️ When do you first ask yourself: “What have I already done for myself today?”
➡️ Could it be that your battery has been half empty for a long time and you are therefore extra irritable and exhaust this to your loved ones?
It is absolutely true that you must be able to love yourself first in order to truly love others. It doesn't mean to be arrogant or narcissistic, but to be able to get in touch with your own well-being and happiness!
I read a poem a few days ago: That in this life we wear the face of that person, whom we loved most in our past life. Wow that just came to me.
Believe it or not – the next time you look in the mirror, just think about this. Think yourself beautiful! Take care of yourself. Have you been able to recognize your love language? What can you also do for yourself so that you increase your self-love?
And of course we also have an oil that can support us all in this: Bergamot oil!
➡️ Oil tip: As the oil of Self-acceptance, can Bergamot be a great helper on your journey to self-acceptance and greater self-love. Bergamot relieves feelings of self-judgment and low self-esteem. Bergamot will help you learn to love yourself unconditionally.
⭐️ Grab you Bergamot oil and put 1-2 drops in your hand, rub and inhale or dilute with a little base oil and massage it over your heart (be careful if you go out in the sun because it is light sensitive!) and think of something positive about yourself. Of course Bergamot also nice in the diffuser.
Try making this a daily habit and see how it changes your feelings for yourself!